I had a reader email and ask “What do you do when you have 4 kids and other family members only have 2 or 3 so they think it unfair they should have to spend more money on your family when it’s not “equal”. This is a paraphrase but I wanted to address this because it can be a problem in families.
The truth is most people in this world are just plain selfish. They would rather spend money going out to eat than to give that up to buy an extra Christmas present.
The other problem is a lot of families just spend way too much on presents for kids. They think that have to spend $30,$40 or $50 on nieces and nephews just to give them “something nice”.
Now how do you deal with this? Well first, pray for that family member. I know that sounds strange but if you don’t then you will get get bitter and angry and not forgive them. It stinks when you work really had to save on your one income to buy gifts for everyone and then they don’t want to return the favor even when they make double your income. You are going to have to give the situation over to God so you don’t let it ruin your Christmas.
Some solutions for the gift exchanges are:
Draw names. This is a long time tradition and works great.
Buy a “family” gift like a board game or zoo pass so something like that that the entire family can use.
Set a price limit. I would set a retail price of $10 (or whatever amount your choose). Then if you are a savvy shopper and find a new item or something they would really love at a thrift store, garage sale or on clearance for a dollar or two then save the rest.
People are funny, they think that if they don’t spend the entire amount then they are some how cheating the person out of a gift. If you find a new board game at a thrift store for $1 or at the store for $10 it’s still the same board game! You might as well use the other $9 to pay off some debt or put into savings!
Another option the $1 gift. Each item has to be under $1 and you can only spend $10 total. You can buy at dollar stores, yard sales etc. This can be a really fun gift exchange. You can even make the boxes decorated for a contest. One of our readers send in that one but I lost the name. Thanks to whoever you are
!
You could also do just gag gifts. Of course this could go a number of different ways if you use your imagination! (in a good way!)
What do we do? We spend $10-$20 on our nieces and nephews depending on their age. We only have 3 to buy for so that isn’t much. This year we are getting gift cards to Walmart for them all. Now, I know this sounds impersonal and unfrugal but my niece said “I wish I could get one of those” when BJ got one for his birthday. They love to go and just pick out something they want at the store and I think it will be a big hit!
I am going to wrap it special. I’m going to put it in a small box wrapped and then put that in a bigger box, wrapped and do that several times so she has to unwrap 4 or 5 boxes to get it to it!
You could also do a treasure hunt for it too!
I hope that gives some ideas. I know it can be hard but you will have to just “let it go” and try to enjoy it anyway. Yes, I know that’s way easier said than done.
Tawra
Tawra covered the practical side of gift giving if you can hang in there until next week’s newsletter I wrote a story that will cover the emotional side of what you are dealing with. I published it last year when I found out that one of my children’s in laws who make about 125% more money then I do and had less people to buy for announced that they couldn’t afford gifts this year because of these hard economic times. I could not understand it one bit because even though I make as much in a year as what they do in one month I still managed to buy presents for everyone.
You feel so hurt because your children (in my case my grandchildren) will be disappointed and what they are doing is really very wrong and like Tawra said selfish. Be sure to read Tuesday’s newsletter because it will put a whole new light on your situation and gift giving in general. I am sorry I would write it all out for you now but it would take to long for me to do that in this one setting and it is set to run on Tuesday so please read it then if you can.
Jill